Travelin Monkey

Never in my life has it been so hard to get home! I had a flight that was leaving at 5:45 pm from philly, we had tickets to get back, and it was going to take about 2 hours. The bus, we thought, left every hour, so we planned on heading out at 1 pm.

Well, it turns out that the bus left every 2 hours, once at 12:30, then again at 2:30. I couldn’t wait for the 2:30 because that would be cutting it WAY too close for comfort. So, we decided to inquire about the chinatown bus that leaves every 30 minutes, no go.

Then Roy suggested the amtrak, PERFECT idea. Wrong. The quick ticket counters were all shut down and the line was long as all hell to purchase tickets. So, we tried to find internet service to print tickets and check myself in .. everyone kept on telling us to go to STAWbucks, but all we found was Starbucks.

At around 2 pm, the terminals went back up and we ended up purchasing tickets ($68) to ride the 161 to philly. Just my luck, the train was 20 minutes delayed. THEN, when it finally showed up, we got delayed another 45 minutes because some genius parent decided not to listen to the guy that said “watch your step, there is a big gap between the train and the platform” and had the kid fall through to the tracks. Mother fucker. Roy just looked at me and laughed! Everything was conspiring for me not the make it. The worst part was that if I missed the flight, I was going to have to pay $400 to change the ticket and catch a 5:30 am flight to get to Vegas by 11 am!

So, we landed in Philly at 4:45 pm. I have exactly one hour to get to the airport, check in, go through security, and make the plane. I ran out of the station, hopped in a cab and told him “buddy, we have 45 minutes before my plane leaves, get me to the airport as fast as humanly possible”

Of course, on the way there there were not one, but TWO fucking accidents on the highway to the airport! GREAT! Somehow this guy ended getting me to the airport at 5:05 pm. I checked in and RAN to security. This was the moment of truth, how long could the line possibly be for me to miss the plane?!

Well, the line went all the way from the security check point to the END of the moving walkway. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A LONGER FUCKING LINE IN MY LIFE! HOLY SHIT! I started to panic. I ran to the VIP line and told them “my plane leaves in 45 minutes, can you let me pass?” Bitch said no. I contemplated paying someone to let me cut in front of them, when an angel saved my life. I went up to her and said “my plane is leaving, will you let me pass?” She smiled, signed my paper, and off I was, saved by the goodness of a wonderful woman!

I ran past security and barely made it on the plane. 6 hours later, here I am.

Total cost for Sat: $500
Total cost for Sun: $160

What a great fucking weekend, I LOVE NEW YORK! But holy shit, you spend more money in NY than LV!

Trackback URI | Comments RSS