Travelin Monkey

We left to Florianopolis (Floripa) on the 20th of March in the morning. The bus ride was, seriously, 25 hours! They would have gone faster, but all the buses were travelling and stopping together because of the recent raids on tour buses and they believed in power by numbers. It was amazing how anti-social we were and the way we slept through the majority of everything.

We are staying at the Costa Azul Pousada. It is pretty decent, run by a crazy old lady. The first day I asked her what voltage the room had and she started with some crazy story about God knows what and ends it with a “I’ll buy you one today.” I had no idea what she was going to go out a purchase, but I was intruiged

I go back to the room and Viko (my cousin) is crying of laughter on the bed. That day we went out to the beach and saw some amazing women, drank some caipirinhias, and had a great time. We went back with a bottle of water and a 12 pack of beer and decided to lounge by the pool. That night we decided to buy our own mixings for caipirinhia and it so happens that these 2 girls we met by the pool earlier showed? up and we spent the night talking and laughing.

Circa 2 am we went dancing with all the youngens, but I decided to come home early around 4 am because it was just too weird for me.

We woke up on Tuesday and went to ear. All we have been eating is brazilian buffets for R$9 (US$3), mostly frango (chicken).? We walked out of the pousada and 2 chunky-funky brasilian girls started to whistle at us. Unfortunately, a tropical storm hit on Tuesday, so all we could do is eat, talk, and drink Caipirinhias until we passed out. Luckily, we had bought speakers for my iPod that day, an adventure in and of itself. We laughed so much doing it that I couldn’t breath, let alone talk. The woman selling the speakers thought I was insane.

Wednesday we decided to change things up a bit, not eat any more Frango, and go for some pizza. But, it turns out that they don’t serve pizza in Brasil before 7 pm. At first, we thought that they were just screwing around with us, but when we asked why, the guy said ‘it’s a tradition.’ So, back to the Frango it was… We ate WAY too much Frango.

After our frango-induced nap, we went beach exploring and found 3 really nice private beaches. At night we went to an all-you-can-eat pizzeria and met the owner, Marlene. We spent the night laughing and laughing and laughing with the old woman.

Viko decided to go out and I stayed in because my head was spinning due to all the drinking and I just wasn’t feeling it. Going out with 15 year olds might SOUND like fun, but in reality, it isn’t.

So, Thursday rolls around, and I hit the beach really early. We spent the day bumming around exactly how we wanted to and returned to the pizza place with Marelene. She kept on giving Viko crap for not eating and he tells her “Pero como me puedes decir eso? Yo siendo turista ese comentario me cerro el estomago” And the lady responds “Es que estar la segunda noche ya sos cliente de la casa.. toma, mira como te la meti!”

HAHA, during dinner, we saw a pimp beat his hoe in the middle of the street, straight punching her in the dace and dropping her to the floor. Note to self, never stare or get involved in Brasil, you might be dropped in cold blood.

Today was a decent beach day. We’ve only had 3 this entire week.

Brasil, you’ve always been FANTASTIC to me, and I am glad I decided to stay the entire time this trip around (last time I left Matt early to go catch some mistake in Greece).

The funniest thing Viko said was “Gracias que no vimos a Betty con todo lo que me costo sacar ese imagen asqueroso de el cerebro!” Poor ugly woman!

We are here in brazil on day #3 and it isn’t like the first couple of days. Yesterday we had a storm and couldn’t do jack except eat, drink, and listen to music.

The people around here call me the crazy one because I go around laughing my ass off everywhere. The old lady that runs our hostel is hilarious. The other day me & my cousin were at the pool kickin back some beers and she starts laughing telling us not to drink too much because we might end up on the honeymoon bed together!! My cousin is surprised at the level of portugese that I can understand.

Some ugly ass fat chicks were picking up on us too. I told him i only move up the ladder, not back down. these 2 chicks that we spent that one night talking to, god damn, one of them has such a broke ass mouth it disgusts me to even look at her. The other one is alright. They told us that they kept on remembering me because of my laugh. One even asked if I sang opera.

There is another pair of sisters, but god damn.. the older one must be like 30 but looks 60. Someone beat her with the ugly stick then spooged ugly seed all over her. The women at the beach are AMAZING and they have the most amazing asses I have ever encountered.

Hopefully today it doesnt rain and we get to do something.

P.S. pingo de ouro is the cachaca we drink for the caipirihas

I used 100,000 UA miles to get my second first class ticket. My flight was spectacular. I got to meet 3 pilots, one for every stop. The one from chicago to Buenos Aires came out and served me a special flute of champagne that he personally had brought on board! I had filet mignon for dinner with rissoto and an ice cream sunday for dessert and slept like a freakin KING on my 180 degree reclinable chair.

I landed in Uruguay and what happens? They don’t land in the terminals, but in the middle of the airport and take you via bus to customs. Except, there was a lady waiting with a sign that said TRAVELIN MONKEY. Naturally, I ask and she says ‘welcome sir, the van is ready’ and i don’t even hesitate AT ALL. I had a personal van ride to customs, I was the first one off the plane, the first one out of customs, and my luggage was waiting there for me as soon as I got off.
My cousin told me that I had exited the airport before the monitors had even said the plane had landed!!

That night we went out through Cuidad Vieja ‘old city’ and had a couple of bottles of beer and went to sleep circa 3 am. We woke up at 9 am and took a 25 hour bus ride up to Florianopolis, Brazil. That is an island in the southern regions of Brasil. We slept 24 of the 25 hours. It was hilarious because everyone on the bus got to know each other, they were all playing games and drinking and laughing, but not us, we were sound asleep the ENTIRE time. And when someone tried to talk to us, nope, nothing!Snoring like GODS!

That night we went out through Cuidad Vieja ‘old city’ and had a couple of bottles of beer and went to sleep circa 3 am. We woke up at 9 am and took a 25 hour bus ride up to Florianopolis, Brazil. We slept 24 of the 25 hours. It was hilarious because everyone on the bus got to know eachother, they were all playing games and drinking and laughing, but not us, we were sound asleep the ENTIRE time. And when someone tried to talk to us, nope, nothing!

My cousing turns to me and says ‘we are the outsiders on this bus’ when we noticed that everyone knew eachothers names! so i started laughing my ASS off and people were asking what the joke was, but we didnt even acknowledge their existence. The both of us had beards with strange last names, so he follows it up with a ‘they must think we are going to call a jihad” HAHAHAHHAHA

Weve been laughing our ASSES off these past 2 days.. and found out the cheapest way to get drunk is to buy our own booze and make our own caipirinias por a grand totoal of 8 reales, which is barely $3. We spent the night talking & drinking with these 3 girls that are our neighbors in the hostel, then went dancing Puerto Seguro styles, all the chicks were 15 year olds… but, oh well…

BTW matt, everything here is churasqueria for $3